WHEN the first ad declaring the dates for the Sunfeast World 10k run came out this year, registration for the Open 10k was a no brainer for me. It took a mere five minutes. But then I started thinking... Why am I running? It was the hardest question to answer. I mean, I was not a black man running to kick some dust and sense up snobbish Nazi noses like Jesse Owens did at the 1936 Berlin Olympics. I wasn't running to come third like Darsheel Safary in 'Bumm Bumm Bole' so that I can get my kid sister a new pair of shoes. For the record, I did get my sister new shoes. Last Month. At Shoppers Stop. During a sale.

I wasn't running because of a sort of divine calling like Eric Liddell, the man who says "I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure" in "Chariots of Fire". Heck, I wasn't even like Simon Pegg in "Run Fatboy Run", running to win my wife back. (Well, I am not a fat slob, and as yet unmarried, for starters) So, why was I running exactly? In part because I had run the Sunfeast World 10k in 2008 and 2009 and had fallen in love with the spirit of this race. I was running because I wanted to tell my cardiologist again on the next visit 'Oh, you ran the 10k too? In an hour and ten minutes? How nice. I ran it too. In under an hour. Now, what were the results of my ECG again?' and leave his mouth agape. In part to inspire and motivate myself that I still have commitment and discipline in me. And now that the race is over and I am overwhelmed by the good wishes and response pouring in, I realize that I my run has inspired others as well.

It is an incredible feeling to realize just how many people have supported me through this and I owe it to all of you for this achievement. I chronicle the story of my runs not to brag about my achievements or sound cool; I only do it to preserve an inspiring story that serves as motivational material for later. At the Cannes Film Festival this year a film called 'Poetry' was showcased where an elderly lady deals with her life crisis by joining a writing class. Perhaps running has served me a similar purpose through a mini quarter life crisis.

OH, FOR THE LOVE OF RUNNING!
Any Sunday morning where you have to get up at 5 AM has got to be crazy. Or special. Or both. 23rd May was one such as I scrambled around the house bleary eyed looking for isotonic drinks and rich sources of carbohydrates. Having trained a grand total of three days for a distance I have never attempted with such less training, I was getting jittery. But I calmed myself down with the thought that my body was still in good shape (the last training session 48 hours back had been for 6kms at good pace) and telling myself that running is a mental sport anyway. Imagine my surprise when I spotted the same line on a T shirt four hours later on a fellow runner! No isotonic drinks were found, but the good old bananas took care of the carbs bit. On to the race it was.

I arrived pretty early (6.20, in fact) and the stadium was already abuzz with the practicing runners for the Men's Elite event warming up on the track. Two Ethiopian runners matched stride for stride as they covered the track in graceful leaps - a wonderful sight! Seeing the two runners made me do the one thing every self respecting man with the latest smart phone would do in a situation like this - I tweeted. Two hours to my race and I was typing 140 characters after 140 characters as if my fingers were to do the running. The mood at the stadium was a bit somber in the wake of the Managlore plane crash and we stood up for a minute's silence before the first race started. Maybe it was the silence or perhaps the sight of the energetic wheelchair race participants (the wheelchair race flagged off at 7:00 AM was the day's first event), but for the first time my mind felt focused and the body felt battle ready. The sun had disappeared behind a gang of clouds that had suddenly appeared on the scene. The though of running in the rain only heightened my excitement. From about 6-7 people when I arrived into the holding area, the crowd had swelled to about 5,000 with half an hour to go for the Open 10k. Meanwhile, the elite Women started their warm ups on the track and a few wolf whistles went around. Uff! Men will be men! The last of elite men returned by 7:40 AM and the women lined up at 8:00AM.

The moment they had exited the stadium and took the road, the Open 10k participants were let loose towards the start line. The usual jostling for space followed and one exasperated gentleman kept repeating that everybody was wearing a timing chip, so it doesn't matter where you start from, the moment the chip crosses the start line is when the time will start. His words of profound insight were drowned out by sheer excitement and adrenaline. The rush seemed bigger and more intense than if there at a queue for refunds of movie tickets for "Prince". At exactly 8:12 Am I crossed the starting line and the 2010 Sunfeast World 10k had started for me. I tried to draw inspiration from such wonderful Part III's like "Lord of The Rings: The Return of the King" or "The Empire Strikes Back" and promised myself that I would run a good race, no matter what.

In 2008, when I knew zilch about running, I had had a decently fast paced start hitting the 2 Km mark in 11 minutes. Even in 2009, the start was free flowing and smooth. But this race started incredibly slowly with the field hardly setting a pace and lot of people deciding to switch to walking mode after the first few hundred meters! Any hopes I had of setting an early pace were gone as everyone seemed to randomly change directions and running as if they were out for a walk in the park. I desperately searched for an uplifting song on my iPod and finally settled on AC/DC's "Shoot to Thrill". It atleast helped me pick up the pace a bit as I approached the first water station. Just then, a young teenager clad in a black football jersey crossed my path. The name at the back caught my eye and made me smile - apparently he was 'Jeevaninho'! Ronaldinho's sort of namesake was running pretty fast and I followed his lead. As the field thinned, as it usually does by the 2.5 km mark, I realized that my start had been slowest of all the three races I have run so far. Feeling the need and the pressure to pick up speed, I pushed myself harder and pounded the road as hard as I could. And a new realization dawned on me - when you have around 7,000 people around you doing the same thing, they can create an amazing amount of peer pressure. It was as if the whole race was shifting on to a higher gear. I checked the stopwatch. Four kilometers in 24 minutes! If I had to save this race from being a disaster I had to do something right away.

Luckily intervention arrived in the form of a pack of glucose at the next water station. The volunteer absent mindedly poured the entire pack into my bottle of water. The shot of glucose got me perked up and I started maintaining a steady pace with measured and equal strides. I tried hard to get the thought of being slow in the first four kilometers off my mind. There was only one though running through my mind - would there be a toilet nearby? Carried away by this whole 'keep yourself well hydrated' thing, I had given my bladder too much work to do.
Nonetheless, fearing I'll lose more time, I carried on. Who knows, the urgency could work in my favour!

The secret to running a good race, I discovered, was the same as the secret to making good soup or the secret to Rahul Dravid's phenomenal career - consistency. I realized that despite the slow start I could still finish the race in good time only if I maintained the same pace and timing across the remaining distance. Unfortunately, the remaining distance - the last three kilometers - had been a bugbear in my earlier races. This time, I was feeling better at the 7km mark and decided to make it count. I tried to clear out my mind and only think about how simple the whole process of running is. It reminded me of what Dennis Doyle's (Simon Pegg's character in 'Run Fatboy Run') friend Gordon tells him. When Gordon asks Dennis to "Go on then, run!” Dennis asks, "Isn't there some kind of like... special technique?" And Gordon replies, "Well... yeah... you put one leg in front of the other over and over again really really fast." I sort of heard a Gordon like "Go on then, run!" in my head and I said to myself, 'Let the overtaking begin'. And like a call center cab driver navigating city traffic at rush hour I pushed forward like a madman.

There was a guy running in front of me and his T-shirt said 'I run therefore I am - nuts!’ At that moment, it made perfect sense. The delirium, adrenaline and fatigue combined to put me in such a state by the 8th kilometer that even the choice of headgear of the tall British woman who was running with a chicken shaped hat on her head also made perfect sense. Motivation reached a peak as I saw a fellow runner collapse and being carried into the ambulance at the 9 km mark. One last swig of water and a botched attempt at accurately throwing the plastic water bottle into the dustbin later, I was ready for the final dash as I hit Raja Ram Mohan Roy Road and the final stretch towards the stadium and the finish line. Just when I was about to pick up pace for the final 500 meters sprint, suddenly my body convulsed. I was about to throw up. I immediately slowed down and kept telling myself not to give it away when I was so close. The stopwatch showed 55 minutes. Surely the sub one hour was within reach. The vomiting sensation subsided and I was fit enough to dash the final 100 odd meters and even pose for the cameras. Running is indeed a mental sport. Otherwise I would have been blacked out somewhere at the 9.75 km mark with the morning's breakfast lying nearby. 57 minutes 15 seconds! I had done it for the third time! (Later the official chip timing confirmed it was 57m12s)

It was a tough race, but ultimately super satisfying because I could meet the expectations of every well wisher who'd wished me. To wind down I went to the Nike Lounge, the passes to which were provided by a couple of friends at very high places. (OK!OK! I got it from a student of mine who was interning at the company that was managing the lounge) It was great feeling to see the lounge almost empty with the runners still on the street as I relaxed and basked in the glory of my timing.

A few tweets and status updates later, I was still pondering over the same question. Why was I running? I still don't have a definitive answer. Finally, it was the energy of the 23000 odd Bangaloreans who turned up for the event gave me the answer. There was so much positive buzz around that Bangalore that day seemed to be swaying to Louis Armstrong's 'What A Wonderful World'.

IPL POP QUIZ: The Taxing Edition

Been noticing all things IPL, like the volcanic ash of deceit and lies that have clouded the cricketing matters? Good, because there are some taxing questions in this final edition of the IPL Pop Quiz! Pencils at the ready, and don't ask why the quiz comes a good two weeks after the IPL. Do you have any idea how difficult taxation paperwork is? To the questions...and do remember, like Lalit Modi, we'll be back!

1. The Income Tax officials failed to locate the vital documents of the bid papers of Videocon and Adani group for the new IPL franchises. The documents most likely are:
A. Filed in the same cabinet that also has papers from Arthur Andersen during their Enron days
B. Lost in the Icelandic volcanic ash cloud somewhere
C. Are stored in soft copy in Lalit Modi’s Blackberry
D. Obviously, the IT department is blissfully unaware of the concept of shredders

2. Which of the following 'evasion' cases come under the jurisdiction of The Income Tax Department?
A. Rahul Dravid's deft evasion of bouncers in T20 matches
B. Kieron Pollard's actions leading to spectators seeking evasive action in the stands
C. J P Duminy's evasion of scoring opportunities in the IPL final
D. Any viewer trying to evade the bombardment of ads during the games

3. The Maharastra government has taken a decision to charge entertainment tax on the IPL. They have decided to do this because:
A. Someone suddenly remembered about this kid called Monoranjan, his dad and a certain ad campaign on Set Max [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHByZLDbPiw]
B. They were so depressed that Mumbai lost that they forgot how entertaining it was
C. Actually entertainment tax will also be levied on Lalit Modi, BCCI, Shashi Tharoor and even Sunanda Pushkar for all the entertaining drama they provided

4. If the Indian Government wants to erase its fiscal deficit, a well paying tax to levy would be
A. A tax everytime the MRF Blimp was mentioned at the IPL during the course of the whole season III
B. A tax on SRK's every IPL related tweet
C. A tax on every meter of the distance travelled by all of Robin Uthappa's sixes combined
D. Just ask Lalit to give you details of his Swiss Bank numbered account, will you?

5. Essay Question: With the IPL being dubbed the Indian Paisa League, explain in 200 words why this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoAmHayKQjc is the most appropriate dedication to the IPL gang.

THE HAND OF GOD PART II

THREE
At 7 PM the match kicked off at the magnificent Olympic Stadium in Munich. The crowd roared in anticipation of an epic encounter. Juan kissed the cross that hung around his neck and took his position.’ This is it’, he told himself and concentrated hard. He could hear the ref blow the whistle as things got under way, but the only thing he was eyeing sharply was the Zeitgeist ball crossing over from one foot to another in a blur.
The first half went fairly event free for Juan which made him feel very happy. There were no hard saves to make thanks to the defenders doing their job well. The only scare had come in the closing minute of the half when Chriser had found himself free on the left edge of the penalty area from a brilliant through ball from Michael Owen. But his powerful shot went wide of goal and Juan heaved a sigh of relief. Juan could have sworn he had heard a cry of 'Stupid striker! Too nervous!' as the ball went past him.
'Could it have been the ball?’ Juan quickly dismissed the thought as he made his way to the dressing room with his teammates. ‘Surely it was one of those English fans’, he thought having known how harsh fans can be on their own players. To be fair to Owen, he had a tough angle and the ball hit the outside part of his foot.
By the second half, Juan’s nerves had calmed down. He was handling the England attacks better and made two good saves off Owen and Chriser, which doubtless gave him renewed confidence. But at the 88th minute with two minutes to go in the game and an increasing prospect of a 0-0 draw (just what Spain needed) Spanish defender Robert Artez fouled England midfielder Gary Brenham. The referee yellow carded Artez and awarded England a free kick just on the left edge of the penalty area and the man who stepped up to take it would have sent a shiver down any goal keepers spine, let alone Juan. It was David Beckham whose swinging, curling and deadly accurate kicks became famous as 'The Beckham Delivery'. Juan knew that if he let this one go in Spain would have no chance with only a minute left. He positioned himself on the right goal post hoping the defensive wall would guard the left post.
With every second passing like an eternity Juan waited, almost breathless, as Beckham stepped up and kicked. The ball swooshed towards the right post over the wall, but then began to curl away wickedly from where Juan was standing. Juan knew it was not possible to get it now. In a desperate last minute attempt he leapt towards the direction of the ball and screamed out, ‘Come towards me you idiot!’ He was trying to control the ball by talking to it! Even he did not know what had made him do this. But to his shock, the ball seemed to be swerving away less and less. He stretched out his hand and made a lunge at it. ‘Come on!’ he shouted and the ball made a dramatic back spin towards him. He managed to get his fingertips to it and the ball sailed over the bar. ‘Ouch' he heard as the ball flew over. ‘It cannot be the ball again!’ he thought.

FOUR
Beckham stood stunned at the save. The TV commentator for BBC1 could hardly contain his astonishment.’ And what an extraordinary save by young Ferreto. Surely one of the best since Gordon Banks' outstanding save to deny the great Pele in 1970. And definitely the save of the 21st century.' [Gordon Banks’ save is featured in this YouTube Video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQA234KPA2s]
Juan could hardly believe it. Was it just plain luck or had he really managed to control the ball by talking to it? It sounded insane to him. The game was over soon afterwards in a 0-0 draw. Juan could hardly contain his joy at the final whistle as he and his teammates celebrated. They had made it to the next round and would avoid Brazil. The match ball was presented to Juan as a token of his heroic performance. For a young goal keeper there couldn’t be a better feeling.
That night, the whole team partied in the hotel and the coach brought more good news. 'Michel will be fit for the next round'. Every one cheered. Juan too felt relaxed at the thought that no more nerve wreckers were in store for him. But he felt a tinge of disappointment too because he was beginning to like it.
Later that night as Juan lay on his bed in the hotel room he watched the replays of the save being showed on TV. Every time he was amazed at the fact as to how the balls perfect arc was interrupted when he yelled at it and it turned towards him. The commentators said it was perhaps the wind but Juan knew fully well that the air was very still at that time. At last he decided to get some sleep after the extraordinary day. But as he switched the TV off he heard a voice in the cupboard,
'That kid is good. He deserves more chances.'
Juan felt like fainting. The voice was coming from the cupboard where he had kept his match ball along with his kit!

EPILOGUE
Juan was replaced by Michel in the next match which Spain won but in the quarter finals they lost to Netherlands on penalties. But Juan’s save was discussed throughout the tournament. Juan never tried the trick of yelling at balls again although he did hear odd voices when he was practicing alone. But he never told anyone this secret. He was reading the newspaper after practice one day and was surprised to see the following line in an article on him by Josh Clarevill, a British football analyst, just after the world cup:
'The save against England was easily a masterpiece. It appeared as if this boy could control the ball on a string like a puppet.'
‘Yeah, I can’ thought Juan. And he really could. But for the rest of his life he decided he was going to play by his natural abilities and not his supernatural ones. 'That’s the spirit!', came the footballs voice lying nearby his feet.

P.S. Juan currently plays for Real Madrid and Spain. Footballs still talk to him but he's never tried to control ball paths ever since 2006.

THE HAND OF GOD - PART I

NOW that the IPL madness is over, and the real IPL madness has begun, I.'ve decided to switch off and concentrate on the World Cup that's coming our way. Not the Twenty20 World Cup silly! The FIFA World Cup to be held in South Africa from June. My blogging has a sentimental connection to the soccer World Cup since I started Get Sporty during the 2006 edition in Germany. So, to begin Get Sporty's coverage of the 2010 World Cup, I have unearthed something interesting. A short story (sort of) I had penned in 2002 about the 2006 World Cup! So, dear readers, I present to you 'The Hand of God'. Hope you enjoy this little digression into fantasy land once from Get Sporty. And remember, like the IPL, all characters and situations are pretty much fictional and any resemblance to any place or person in completely coincidental and unintentional and mostly a result of misplaced financial documents. Sorry, my bad! ;)

So, here goes...Enjoy Part I...and don't forget to beg for Part II...muahahahaha

PROLOGUE
It is the year 2006.The world cup soccer tournament is on in Germany and Spain are about to face England in an important clash.

ONE
'So all we need tomorrow is a draw against England and we top the group’ said Alberto Mendoza the coach of the Spanish national soccer team, as he summarised the tactics for his team at the last practice session before the match against England. The team responded with a 'you got it coach!’. The coach then turned to the young goalkeeper who would be representing Spain tomorrow. ‘Look Juan, it is just plain bad luck that Michel got injured in the last game against Ukraine’, he said,’ and now you have to take up the responsibility. I have total faith in your abilities my boy and I am sure you will come good.'
Juan Carlos Ferreto, the tall but wiry 18 year old boy who was the standby keeper to Michel Delgado could only blurt out a muffled 'Yes'. It was true he was talented but at that young age with such a big match coming up, he was sure even the great Pele would have felt funny in the stomach.
'That will be all’, said Mendonza. The team slowly dispersed across the training ground and began to pack up their kits. Some of them shouted to Juan, 'Good luck!' as they left towards the hotel. But that hardly relieved Juan’s tensions.
Juan was the only person left on the ground 10 minutes later. But he was too engrossed contemplating tomorrow’s possibilities -sitting on the bench near the goal post- to have noticed it.
'Hey, you there!', Juan was suddenly shaken out of his thoughts by someone calling him. He spun around but could not see anybody, not even any maintenance staff on the ground. But he was sure he had heard somebody. Or was he imagining things?
His question was soon answered as he looked down at the football lying near the bench he was sitting on. 'Yeah it’s me’, the ball called out, the sound coming out with no movement of the ball.
Juan could not believe it. A football was talking to him! Surely this big match pressure had cracked his head open. Dazed, he timidly asked in slightly broken English 'Er…you talking to me?'
'Hey!’ the ball screamed back, ‘don’t get all Robert DeNiro on me pal! What did you think? The goal post was talking to you?' Poor Juan who had never seen an English film, let alone De Niro’s performance in ‘Taxi Driver’ and his famed ‘You talking to me?’ continued, oblivious to the pop culture wisecrack from the soccer ball. 'But...er...erm..How can you...I mean you know...talk?' he asked in Spanish.
The ball effortlessly changed the language too. 'How can you talk? How silly! Don’t you know all soccer balls can talk? You just don’t hear them always because nobody concentrates hard on a ball.'
'But then how am I hearing you now if I haven’t heard any ball talking for my whole life?' said Juan as he thought ‘For a soccer ball, this fella speaks fluent Spanish.’
'Because you were looking at me for the last half an hour. So I decided to talk to you. You look distressed. Need any help?’ the ball said and added,’ and besides I like your hair’. Juan almost blushed before getting a hold of himself.
Juan realised that he had indeed been looking at the ball lost in thought about tomorrow’s match. Slowly accepting the fact that he was indeed talking to an inanimate ball Juan gathered himself and decided to strike a conversation with the ball.
'So how is it like being a football?'
'Don’t ask! Getting kicked around all day is no fun! But yes its fun being kissed by the striker after a goal. But that happens if you are a match ball. Not a practice one like me. Oh! How I wish I were a match ball’. There was a clear note of melancholy in the voice as the ball said this.
'So can I talk to any soccer ball?'
'Yes as long as you concentrate hard on it. You can even make it obey your orders. But for that the concentration must be immense and you should not break eye contact.'
'Oh I see’, said Juan trying hard not to laugh.
'Come on I speak the truth’, said the ball looking at Juans face. Then it suddenly broke into a kind of a dance, more of a merry vibration type of movement singing 'I speak to thee the truth’. Juan could hear a funny sound coming out of the ball too. It sounded like.......
TRRR........IIIIIIIIIIII......NNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!

Juan woke with a start. It was 6:30AM and he was in his hotel room. He switched off the alarm clock by his bed. He couldn’t speak to balls after all. It had all been a dream. Relieved that it was only a crazy dream, he lazily got up to get ready for breakfast. There were other important matters to be addressed in the day. Like the evenings match against England for instance.

TWO
As the kickoff time drew nearer, Juan felt every hair on his body standing on the edge. True, he was an exceptionally talented youngster who had performed phenomenally to help Spain win the Under-17 World Cup in 2004. But now he was up against the 'big boys’. That too unexpectedly. If only Michel had not got injured at this critical juncture. England and Spain were to square off in the last match in their group. Both teams having won their earlier two encounters against Ukraine and South Africa (the other two teams in the group) were level on points. Spain with a superior goal difference needed only a draw to qualify but England desperately needed to win. The team to finish on top would avoid playing Brazil in the second round and it was upon Juan to make sure it was Spain.
'They are playing Owen and Chriser up front I guess', Elanor, the Spanish teams leading striker told Juan at the hotel lobby in the afternoon as they discussed the tactics. The name Chriser conjured up images of the Under-17 World Cup to Juan’s mind. There in the final Spain did beat England 2-1 but Chriser an effervescent, quick and lethal striker had managed to bamboozle Juan once-the only goal he had conceded in 7 games in the competition. All this was just building up the pressure on Juan and all he wanted was the match to start. Somehow he hoped playing the real thing would be less nerve wracking than thinking about it.

[TO BE CONTINUED...]

IPL Pop Quiz 4: The Proverbial Edition!

PROVERBS, they say, distill wisdom into a few easy words. If that’s the case, then we here at Get Sporty have combined the best of two worlds – the proverbs and our easy to understand pop quiz format to test you on some simple life truths at the Indian Proverb..er..Premier League! Get yer pencils out because IPL Pop Quiz 4 is here and as you know the only thing that I dislike more than Income Tax raiders returning empty handed is lack of preparation for a quiz. To the questions!

1. 'A stitch in time saves nine' is a proverb most befitting
A. Lalit Modi and his taxation documentation status
B. Shashi Tharoor (please replace 'stitch' with 'tweet')
C. The injured players at the IPL
D. Hapless viewers addicted to the IPL who should have cancelled their Set Max subscriptions in the first place!
2. Pick out the right proverb in context of KKR
A. 'One swallow doesnt a summer make'
B. 'Two wins in the first two games doesnt an IPL season make'
C. 'Only 5 wins over 12 games doesnt an IPL semi final spot make'
D. 'Just marketing doesn't a cricket franchise make'
E. 'Only an angry outburst doesnt a captain make'
3. Gautam Gambhir has discovered that
A. He who lives in a glass house should not throw stones
B. Only the one who has not sinned should cast the first stone
C. Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me
D. Enough with the stone themed proverbs already!!
4. 'It is the darkest before dawn' is something
A. The Kings XI Punjab would like to believe in
B. Maybe even the Knight Riders would like to believe in
C. SRK knows for sure, since he tweets exactly at that hour!
D. Rubbish! It is darkest during 'Earth Hour'!
5. 2011 and IPL 4..two new franchises...yay..that means
A. The more, the merrier
B. The more, the harrier
C. The more, the scarier
D. The more, the barrier (to eclipse the preeminence of the IPL rises higher)
6. In case of different IPL franchises, which of these holds most true?
A. For the Royals, it ain't over till the fat boy has spun (ref the match between DC v RR)
B. For the RCB, it ain't over till Robbie has had his run (ref the match between RCB v KKR at Bangalore)
C. For the KXIP, it ain't over till CSK is choked and done (ref the match between KXIP v CSK)
D. For KKR, it ain't over till its over, so says the Khan (ref to any of @iamsrk’s tweets)
7. Explain through a 200 essay as to why unsuccessful bidders for the new IPL teams have learnt the significance of the saying 'It is better to have a minority stake of an existing franchise in hand than bid for two entangled in the bush of dodgy paperwork and shady terms and conditions.'

Answers

1. D

2. All of the above!

3. He’s basically discovered that in the IPL everyone is entitled to an opinion, as long as it is the BCCI’s

4. D; ask me, I have bruised my knee on our tea cozy during both ‘Earth Hour’ dates!

5. Oh! The agony of an (seemingly) interminable IPL season

6. Especially and amazingly, A!

7. Anything that contains a comparative trending analysis of @lalitkmodi and @ShashiTharoor’s tweeting patterns is acceptable.

IPL Pop Quiz: The Mongoose Edition

HAVE you been noticing all things IPL lately (come on now, don’t lie!) including cricketing equipment named after animals and commentator IQ levels dropping faster than catches through KKR fielders’ hands? Great, because it is time for the third IPL Pop Quiz of 2010. Get your pencils out because, as you know, the only thing I find more annoying than overvalued cricket franchises is lack of preparation for a quiz. To the questions!

1. Pick out the real statements from the ones below
A. ShashiTharoor: @lalitkmodi buddy, one more smart one and u r blocked. ok?
B. ‘I am only being hypocritical about being arrogant. Oh, wait…I think I’m arrogant about being a hypocrite’ – Gautam Gambhir
C. “People in Chennai just love me. In the first edition when I used to go out biking at night whenever I used to stop in Red Light Areas, they always used to come up to me” – M S Dhoni

2. KKR look like they are doomed to remain the only team in three IPLs not to have made the semis. That would make them feel like
A. The shopper who always misses the juiciest bargains because he was lazy
B. The college kid who’s still remained a virgin while his friends have had plenty of ‘action’
C. The girl who gets picked last at a dance party
D. A kid at a candy store where he’s been left all alone with all the candy under lock and key

3. The most annoying feature of the IPL’s coverage on television
A. Frequent visuals and references to the gaudy MRF Blimp…
B. …which looks like a poor, uneducated country cousin of the Goodyear Blimp…
C. …wherein we should pack in Ravi Shastri, Danny Morrison and co…
D. …and cut the blimp loose!

4. Complete this quote from Sourav Ganguly – “The entire world is watching, the selectors are watching... if they play like this, _____ help their careers”
A. SRK
B. John Buchanan
C. Greg Chappell
D. God

5. What distinction do Virat Kohli and Rohit Sharma share?
A. Both are young, talented and aggressive batsmen while being very agile fielders as well.
B. Both have had the dubious privilege of saying ‘s**t’ on live national television

6. Chris Gayle joined the KKR squad on Saturday, the 20th of March 2010 at Ahmedabad in their game against the Rajasthan Royals. But he did not play that game because
A. The airline lost his luggage and His Coolness found that to be ‘not cool’
B. He had fever
C. Actually, he had Saturday Night Fever

7. Keeping the Kings XI Punjab’s dismal show at IPL 3 and Preity Zinta’s shareholding pattern in the franchise draft a 200 word explanation as to why KXIP is the new KKR.

Answers:
1. C. Don’t believe me? Check it out here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6c09piYEN0&feature=player_embedded
2. B. Seriously, KKR needs to get its mojo back, i.e. if they had any in the first place!
3. C and D; and once you put Shastri & Co. inside the blimp it will fly off faster since there will be a lot more hot air inside!
4. D
5. Fortunately, A and (very) unfortunately B
6. With Chris, maaan…it gotta be C!
7. Anything that includes references to PZ’s tweeting and her team being a disjointed squad of misfits is acceptable

IPL Pop Quiz - The VISUAL Edition!

BEEN paying attention to the rise of moth, annoying ads and Yusuf Pathan attacks, and all things IPL lately? Good, because the IPL pop quiz is back with a first ever Visual edition and as you know, the only thing I hate more than Shane Warne's liberal use of superlatives about anything related to the IPL is under-preparedness for a quiz. Sharpen your minds and pencils, ladies and gentlemen... To the questions! [Special thanks to Jessica Hagy from whose blog I got the idea of the quiz. She blogs at thisisindexed.com Absolutely brilliant stuff!! :)]

THE IPL, AND HENCE THE POP QUIZ, ARE BOTH BACK!!

No sooner did SRK have his last tweet up than we announce the IPL pop quiz has made a triumphant return! Yes, folks sharpen your pencils and get ready for the first pop quiz of IPL 3. Because, as you know, the only thing I hate more than an artist calling herself Lady Gaga are people unprepared for a quiz. To the questions!!

1. What is the most appropriate reaction to this statement from Lalit Modi - “I see the IPL becoming bigger than the NFL, the NBA, the English Premier League.”?

A. Combined?

B. Ha Ha Ha Ha LOL :D

C. You may have to check the Gospels for authenticity, but not this.

D. What? The man’s a prophet. Deal with it!

2. The Telengana issue simmering in Andhra Pradesh is

A. A conspiracy from the Deccan Chargers to move their matches out of Hyderabad, where they have never won.

B. A conspiracy of the MNS and Shiv Sena to move more IPL matches to Maharastra resulting in more revenue for the Marathi manoos

C. A conspiracy of the IPL to try and eke out another IPL franchise from the (divided) state of Andhra Pradesh

D. Hey, the IPL is on! Do you mind not bothering me with trivial issues!

3. Lionel Richie was there at the IPL 3 opening ceremony. His song lyric ‘You’re my angel, my miracle, you’re all I need tonight’ would be an appropriate dedication to the Kolkata Knight Riders on their victory.

A. True

B. False

4. When VVS Laxman tried a slog shot and got out, Harsha Bhogle said it was like Lata Mangeshkar trying her hand at rock n’ roll. In 300 words explain which of these bands Lata Mangeshkar could front if given the chance

A. Queen. ‘Queen’ of melody.. Get it?

B. The All American Rejects. If they were American rejects, most likely to be accepted in India, no?

C. The Clash. Yeah, that’s exactly what you’d expect when Indian classical trained singer meets a bunch of hoodlums with guitars and drums

5. And again a wicket fell off the very first delivery of an IPL match. This is most likely a case of

A. The Law of Averages in operation, whatever that means!

B. A marketing conspiracy

C. Idiocy 101 stuff from the Kolkata Knight Rider’s school of bone headedness

D. What? A wicket fell off the first ball? Damn my internet connection, the YouTube video is still buffering.

6. Rohit Sharma’s strange lob like shot to get out was

A. A leaf taken out of the Cricket Idiocy 101 course from the Kolkata Knight Rider’s school of bone headedness

B. Vindication of how deserving he was of the award for the best under-23 player in the IPL

C. Indication that he had assumed the French Open had started early

D. Ummm…wait…I’m still trying to come up with a name for it

7. Finally an essay question (sort of): In 140 characters or less, explain if it is fair on SRK’s part to spam everyone’s Twitter timeline when KKR matches is on. (Oh, and on a completely unrelated note [trust me!], somebody also please tell me where one can find the ‘Unfollow’ button on Twitter)

Answer Key:

1. Knowing Mr. Modi, in all likelihood, A

2. Could be B, you never know these days!

3. A, VVS Laxman slogging.. Miracle or what!

5. B, I said it last year and I’ll say it again.

6. A, probably… Inspiration comes in mysterious ways

7. Any answer that tells me where the blasted ‘unfollow’ button is will do.

LIFE IN THE FAST GAME

UNLESS you are a really dispassionate Indian or an ignoramus when it comes to all matters sporting (or what could be far, far worse – both), you probably have been sneaking a peek at the Hockey World Cup being staged in New Delhi. You know, the tournament that started with what looked like a final (from the atmosphere and the hype) where India beat Pakistan 4-1. And assuming you don’t get to see a lot of hockey, surely what has floored you is the sheer pace at which the game is played. Furious, virtually non stop and always action packed – field hockey is by far the fastest team game I have ever seen. The phrase ‘end to end’ action gets a whole new meaning when the ball is traveling across the 100 yards of the pitch in a flash. Apparently, T20 is popular as a cricket format because it is fast. If you ask me, it has nothing on hockey when it comes to speed and the action.

I was watching the India vs. Spain game on Thursday night (alas India lost 2-5) and there was a period of play at the start of the second half where we saw 4 goals in 4 minutes (the score went from 2-0 for Spain to 4-2). Try to match that, soccer! Try to generate that much excitement in 4 minutes, Mr. Modi and all the cheerleaders money can buy! And F1? Sorry, you can only squeeze in a couple of laps there! The modern field hockey game is a non stop spectacle of great action and I’m surprised that in India it has so few takers. I’ve always loved watching hockey for its fluid and attacking flow and since they did away with the offside rule in 1998, it has become a thrill a minute roller coaster. Till the final hooter goes, a goal can be conjured up in less than 5 seconds. No other sport I know can offer that thrill. The rolling substitutions and two minute suspensions only add to the frantic adjustments required on the fly. When a penalty corner is taken, the defending team has a second to second and a half to make decisions (from the goalie’s position to who should cover the net). Last time I checked, that kind of a small decision making window was only available to fighter jet pilots.

I think I realize why India has been lagging at the game while teams like England, the Netherlands, Germany and Australia have powered ahead. It is all in the pace. India and Pakistan rely on building up attacks and/or trying to send in a hard cross into the ‘D’; the Europeans are happy to muscle their way through, fast. Watching hockey, with hardly any stop in play and a lot happening at once can be a real test for a spectator but it is really worth it. Razor sharp reflexes, dazzling skills, edge of the seat excitement – what’s hockey not got! Remember? Poor Amol Palekar gets in trouble in "Gol Maal" because he bunks work to watch a hockey ‘test’. Yes, folks! Those were the days! You have to be extremely attentive and cerebral to fully understand the tactical battle going on. Perhaps the smarts is what is missing, from our team as well as the spectators.

For a generation that has been told that ‘instant gratification’ isn’t a dirty word, we have ignored the delights a game like hockey can offer. It demands only about half the time of a T20 encounter and thrice the attention in return. Not a bad trade off, eh? I am not kidding, but watching hockey may actually sharpen your intellect a bit! India needs a glamorous hockey league, one that can catapult the national game back into the hearts of the masses. But most critically, us fans and the players need to get used to life in the fast game!

CRICKET 2020

So, you thought the 2000s were crazy for the game of cricket? Think Again. Cricket’s real crazy decade lies ahead.

I CAN see you smirking at the obvious pun, dear cricket fan, but then the truth is sometimes like that – all you can do is smirk about it. In the last decade cricket endured the match fixing crisis, one that plunged the game into an existential crisis only to realize that a greater existential crisis was to follow in the form of a rogue format that stole a start on the established ones. Technology, globalization and financial success have formed a troika that has amplified the game’s commercial value much like what had happened in the asset markets across the world. Yes, ladies and gentlemen we are in the middle of a cricket bubble, one that threatens to alter some fundamentals when it bursts. I still wager that come the next decade we will still be playing the game with a bat and a ball, but whether or not that will be central to the outcome or the action, I cannot be sure.

Test matches, despite producing fascinating contests like New Zealand vs. Pakistan or Australia vs. Pakistan at Sydney, and glimmers of hope provided by India’s decision to scrap one dayers and play tests against the visiting South Africans, have been relegated to the new labs of cricket experimentation – what with the referrals, proposals of day night tests, and a pink ball to boot. The real experimental Frankenstein, the T20 format, ironically has become the flagship, and would probably be the dominant format next decade. The demographic watching cricket will be younger and multicultural, and they won’t average more than half an hour of viewing per match, giving them as much time to understand the nuances as a pilot who’s asked to make sense of the plane’s dashboard as the aircraft hurtles towards the ground at 500mph. Skills will be reduced to a battle of superlatives and you can forget about supple wrists and nifty footwork. If the latter is what you prefer, I think they’ll ask you to go see a dance reality show than show up for a match. Let’s face it – cricket was a match invented with nuances and it’s not quite the same without them.

The mutilation that cricket is bracing for over the next decade would be akin to reducing a chess game to 12 pieces each and 36 squares. But wait, there’s hope. Like the great flood did in biblical times, a purging of the mindless commerce can still happen. What will it take? Only the mother of all economic collapses and the grand daddy of depressions to suck the commercial soul out of the game and force it to return to its roots. Will that happen over the next decade? Well, don’t count against it. Meanwhile you’d be advised to check the status of your retirement fund, and be prepared to make an withdrawal if necessary.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

Yeah, we know 2009 sort of went by in a blur and it never hurts to recap the year in which a lot of weird stuff went on especially if it involved superstar golfers, SUVs and supermodels. ‘Get Sporty’ takes a random walk…
1. At the US Open, a group of children have their most fruitful school field trip ever as they witness Serena Williams enrich their vocabulary during the semifinal against Kim Clijsters.
2. Somewhere in the US, sportscasters finally can shout ‘The Yankees Win! Th-e-e-e Y-a-a-a-n-n-k-k-e-e-e-e-s win!’
3. The Umpiring Decision Review System (UDRS for short) is launched by the ICC allowing all three umpires to be part of virtually every decision on field. The result is a proliferation of the very kind of errors the system was supposed to eliminate. In totally unrelated news, ‘3 Idiots’ releases.
4. Some Indian girl wins something important in badminton or some such sport.
5. Liverpool, the club I support, end the year much the same way they began it – by flattering to deceive.
6. Tiger Woods sends everyone scrambling for their nearest thesaurus with his imaginative use of the word ‘transgressions’.
7. A phenomenon completes 20 years at the world level. A giver of joy to millions and someone who redefined the rules of the game, the phenom proves amazingly durable and yet flexible. Yes, the internet turned 20 in 2009. Oh yes, Sachin Tendulkar too completed 20 years of international cricket.
8. Brett Favre, the NFL quarterback, who retired and then ‘unretired’ to join the Minnesota Vikings discovers the aphorism – ‘indecision is the key to flexibility’. His status update of the same on Facebook is liked by Lance Armstrong and Michael Schumacher.
9. A cricket match is cancelled in Delhi due to an ‘unfit’ pitch. Turns out, the groundsmen at Delhi thought the supposed to be used for the Commonwealth Games, which are like light years away yet, right?
10. Thierry Henry, paranoid about touching anything with his hand, refuses to hold the hand of an old lady to help her cross a street in Paris. In related news, Ireland demand an automatic qualification spot for the Handball world cup.
11. Record number of athletes get on to tweeting (e.g. Lance Armstrong or Aussie batsman Philip Hughes who broke the news of his being dropped via Twitter) and fans rush to ‘follow’ them and are deluged with ‘tweet nothings’. Bon Jovi, meanwhile, valiantly tries to remind everyone that ‘We weren’t born to follow’.
12. The cricket themed film ‘Victory’ releases featuring a bunch of international cricketers. Hurman Baweja gives out valuable tips on the fine art of sledging. Ricky Ponting reportedly gives it two fingers up – not sure if they were thumbs, though!
13. The IPL’s second edition is won by the Deccan Chargers led by a 37 year old Adam Gilchrist beating the Bangalore Royal Challengers led by 38 year old Anil Kumble. Fans mull over calling it the Indian Pensioners League.
14. The H1N1 virus spreads across the world leading to empty football stadiums in Mexico, NBA teams falling sick and even affects cricketers. Meanwhile, Sreesanth dares Bhajji to slap him as he sneezes on his face.
15. Usain Bolt shatters his own 100m world record and is now busy finding out how early in a 100m race he can start celebrating. His target for the next Olympics is to strike his winning ‘lightning bolt’ pose as soon as the starting gun is fired.
16. And finally, according to the Chinese calendar, 2010 is supposed to be the year of the Tiger. Seriously, you have to hand it to the Chinese for their ironic and wicked sense of humor.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)