CRICKET 2020

So, you thought the 2000s were crazy for the game of cricket? Think Again. Cricket’s real crazy decade lies ahead.

I CAN see you smirking at the obvious pun, dear cricket fan, but then the truth is sometimes like that – all you can do is smirk about it. In the last decade cricket endured the match fixing crisis, one that plunged the game into an existential crisis only to realize that a greater existential crisis was to follow in the form of a rogue format that stole a start on the established ones. Technology, globalization and financial success have formed a troika that has amplified the game’s commercial value much like what had happened in the asset markets across the world. Yes, ladies and gentlemen we are in the middle of a cricket bubble, one that threatens to alter some fundamentals when it bursts. I still wager that come the next decade we will still be playing the game with a bat and a ball, but whether or not that will be central to the outcome or the action, I cannot be sure.

Test matches, despite producing fascinating contests like New Zealand vs. Pakistan or Australia vs. Pakistan at Sydney, and glimmers of hope provided by India’s decision to scrap one dayers and play tests against the visiting South Africans, have been relegated to the new labs of cricket experimentation – what with the referrals, proposals of day night tests, and a pink ball to boot. The real experimental Frankenstein, the T20 format, ironically has become the flagship, and would probably be the dominant format next decade. The demographic watching cricket will be younger and multicultural, and they won’t average more than half an hour of viewing per match, giving them as much time to understand the nuances as a pilot who’s asked to make sense of the plane’s dashboard as the aircraft hurtles towards the ground at 500mph. Skills will be reduced to a battle of superlatives and you can forget about supple wrists and nifty footwork. If the latter is what you prefer, I think they’ll ask you to go see a dance reality show than show up for a match. Let’s face it – cricket was a match invented with nuances and it’s not quite the same without them.

The mutilation that cricket is bracing for over the next decade would be akin to reducing a chess game to 12 pieces each and 36 squares. But wait, there’s hope. Like the great flood did in biblical times, a purging of the mindless commerce can still happen. What will it take? Only the mother of all economic collapses and the grand daddy of depressions to suck the commercial soul out of the game and force it to return to its roots. Will that happen over the next decade? Well, don’t count against it. Meanwhile you’d be advised to check the status of your retirement fund, and be prepared to make an withdrawal if necessary.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

Yeah, we know 2009 sort of went by in a blur and it never hurts to recap the year in which a lot of weird stuff went on especially if it involved superstar golfers, SUVs and supermodels. ‘Get Sporty’ takes a random walk…
1. At the US Open, a group of children have their most fruitful school field trip ever as they witness Serena Williams enrich their vocabulary during the semifinal against Kim Clijsters.
2. Somewhere in the US, sportscasters finally can shout ‘The Yankees Win! Th-e-e-e Y-a-a-a-n-n-k-k-e-e-e-e-s win!’
3. The Umpiring Decision Review System (UDRS for short) is launched by the ICC allowing all three umpires to be part of virtually every decision on field. The result is a proliferation of the very kind of errors the system was supposed to eliminate. In totally unrelated news, ‘3 Idiots’ releases.
4. Some Indian girl wins something important in badminton or some such sport.
5. Liverpool, the club I support, end the year much the same way they began it – by flattering to deceive.
6. Tiger Woods sends everyone scrambling for their nearest thesaurus with his imaginative use of the word ‘transgressions’.
7. A phenomenon completes 20 years at the world level. A giver of joy to millions and someone who redefined the rules of the game, the phenom proves amazingly durable and yet flexible. Yes, the internet turned 20 in 2009. Oh yes, Sachin Tendulkar too completed 20 years of international cricket.
8. Brett Favre, the NFL quarterback, who retired and then ‘unretired’ to join the Minnesota Vikings discovers the aphorism – ‘indecision is the key to flexibility’. His status update of the same on Facebook is liked by Lance Armstrong and Michael Schumacher.
9. A cricket match is cancelled in Delhi due to an ‘unfit’ pitch. Turns out, the groundsmen at Delhi thought the supposed to be used for the Commonwealth Games, which are like light years away yet, right?
10. Thierry Henry, paranoid about touching anything with his hand, refuses to hold the hand of an old lady to help her cross a street in Paris. In related news, Ireland demand an automatic qualification spot for the Handball world cup.
11. Record number of athletes get on to tweeting (e.g. Lance Armstrong or Aussie batsman Philip Hughes who broke the news of his being dropped via Twitter) and fans rush to ‘follow’ them and are deluged with ‘tweet nothings’. Bon Jovi, meanwhile, valiantly tries to remind everyone that ‘We weren’t born to follow’.
12. The cricket themed film ‘Victory’ releases featuring a bunch of international cricketers. Hurman Baweja gives out valuable tips on the fine art of sledging. Ricky Ponting reportedly gives it two fingers up – not sure if they were thumbs, though!
13. The IPL’s second edition is won by the Deccan Chargers led by a 37 year old Adam Gilchrist beating the Bangalore Royal Challengers led by 38 year old Anil Kumble. Fans mull over calling it the Indian Pensioners League.
14. The H1N1 virus spreads across the world leading to empty football stadiums in Mexico, NBA teams falling sick and even affects cricketers. Meanwhile, Sreesanth dares Bhajji to slap him as he sneezes on his face.
15. Usain Bolt shatters his own 100m world record and is now busy finding out how early in a 100m race he can start celebrating. His target for the next Olympics is to strike his winning ‘lightning bolt’ pose as soon as the starting gun is fired.
16. And finally, according to the Chinese calendar, 2010 is supposed to be the year of the Tiger. Seriously, you have to hand it to the Chinese for their ironic and wicked sense of humor.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)