IPL Pop Quiz 4: The Proverbial Edition!

PROVERBS, they say, distill wisdom into a few easy words. If that’s the case, then we here at Get Sporty have combined the best of two worlds – the proverbs and our easy to understand pop quiz format to test you on some simple life truths at the Indian Proverb..er..Premier League! Get yer pencils out because IPL Pop Quiz 4 is here and as you know the only thing that I dislike more than Income Tax raiders returning empty handed is lack of preparation for a quiz. To the questions!

1. 'A stitch in time saves nine' is a proverb most befitting
A. Lalit Modi and his taxation documentation status
B. Shashi Tharoor (please replace 'stitch' with 'tweet')
C. The injured players at the IPL
D. Hapless viewers addicted to the IPL who should have cancelled their Set Max subscriptions in the first place!
2. Pick out the right proverb in context of KKR
A. 'One swallow doesnt a summer make'
B. 'Two wins in the first two games doesnt an IPL season make'
C. 'Only 5 wins over 12 games doesnt an IPL semi final spot make'
D. 'Just marketing doesn't a cricket franchise make'
E. 'Only an angry outburst doesnt a captain make'
3. Gautam Gambhir has discovered that
A. He who lives in a glass house should not throw stones
B. Only the one who has not sinned should cast the first stone
C. Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me
D. Enough with the stone themed proverbs already!!
4. 'It is the darkest before dawn' is something
A. The Kings XI Punjab would like to believe in
B. Maybe even the Knight Riders would like to believe in
C. SRK knows for sure, since he tweets exactly at that hour!
D. Rubbish! It is darkest during 'Earth Hour'!
5. 2011 and IPL 4..two new franchises...yay..that means
A. The more, the merrier
B. The more, the harrier
C. The more, the scarier
D. The more, the barrier (to eclipse the preeminence of the IPL rises higher)
6. In case of different IPL franchises, which of these holds most true?
A. For the Royals, it ain't over till the fat boy has spun (ref the match between DC v RR)
B. For the RCB, it ain't over till Robbie has had his run (ref the match between RCB v KKR at Bangalore)
C. For the KXIP, it ain't over till CSK is choked and done (ref the match between KXIP v CSK)
D. For KKR, it ain't over till its over, so says the Khan (ref to any of @iamsrk’s tweets)
7. Explain through a 200 essay as to why unsuccessful bidders for the new IPL teams have learnt the significance of the saying 'It is better to have a minority stake of an existing franchise in hand than bid for two entangled in the bush of dodgy paperwork and shady terms and conditions.'

Answers

1. D

2. All of the above!

3. He’s basically discovered that in the IPL everyone is entitled to an opinion, as long as it is the BCCI’s

4. D; ask me, I have bruised my knee on our tea cozy during both ‘Earth Hour’ dates!

5. Oh! The agony of an (seemingly) interminable IPL season

6. Especially and amazingly, A!

7. Anything that contains a comparative trending analysis of @lalitkmodi and @ShashiTharoor’s tweeting patterns is acceptable.

IPL Pop Quiz: The Mongoose Edition

HAVE you been noticing all things IPL lately (come on now, don’t lie!) including cricketing equipment named after animals and commentator IQ levels dropping faster than catches through KKR fielders’ hands? Great, because it is time for the third IPL Pop Quiz of 2010. Get your pencils out because, as you know, the only thing I find more annoying than overvalued cricket franchises is lack of preparation for a quiz. To the questions!

1. Pick out the real statements from the ones below
A. ShashiTharoor: @lalitkmodi buddy, one more smart one and u r blocked. ok?
B. ‘I am only being hypocritical about being arrogant. Oh, wait…I think I’m arrogant about being a hypocrite’ – Gautam Gambhir
C. “People in Chennai just love me. In the first edition when I used to go out biking at night whenever I used to stop in Red Light Areas, they always used to come up to me” – M S Dhoni

2. KKR look like they are doomed to remain the only team in three IPLs not to have made the semis. That would make them feel like
A. The shopper who always misses the juiciest bargains because he was lazy
B. The college kid who’s still remained a virgin while his friends have had plenty of ‘action’
C. The girl who gets picked last at a dance party
D. A kid at a candy store where he’s been left all alone with all the candy under lock and key

3. The most annoying feature of the IPL’s coverage on television
A. Frequent visuals and references to the gaudy MRF Blimp…
B. …which looks like a poor, uneducated country cousin of the Goodyear Blimp…
C. …wherein we should pack in Ravi Shastri, Danny Morrison and co…
D. …and cut the blimp loose!

4. Complete this quote from Sourav Ganguly – “The entire world is watching, the selectors are watching... if they play like this, _____ help their careers”
A. SRK
B. John Buchanan
C. Greg Chappell
D. God

5. What distinction do Virat Kohli and Rohit Sharma share?
A. Both are young, talented and aggressive batsmen while being very agile fielders as well.
B. Both have had the dubious privilege of saying ‘s**t’ on live national television

6. Chris Gayle joined the KKR squad on Saturday, the 20th of March 2010 at Ahmedabad in their game against the Rajasthan Royals. But he did not play that game because
A. The airline lost his luggage and His Coolness found that to be ‘not cool’
B. He had fever
C. Actually, he had Saturday Night Fever

7. Keeping the Kings XI Punjab’s dismal show at IPL 3 and Preity Zinta’s shareholding pattern in the franchise draft a 200 word explanation as to why KXIP is the new KKR.

Answers:
1. C. Don’t believe me? Check it out here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6c09piYEN0&feature=player_embedded
2. B. Seriously, KKR needs to get its mojo back, i.e. if they had any in the first place!
3. C and D; and once you put Shastri & Co. inside the blimp it will fly off faster since there will be a lot more hot air inside!
4. D
5. Fortunately, A and (very) unfortunately B
6. With Chris, maaan…it gotta be C!
7. Anything that includes references to PZ’s tweeting and her team being a disjointed squad of misfits is acceptable

IPL Pop Quiz - The VISUAL Edition!

BEEN paying attention to the rise of moth, annoying ads and Yusuf Pathan attacks, and all things IPL lately? Good, because the IPL pop quiz is back with a first ever Visual edition and as you know, the only thing I hate more than Shane Warne's liberal use of superlatives about anything related to the IPL is under-preparedness for a quiz. Sharpen your minds and pencils, ladies and gentlemen... To the questions! [Special thanks to Jessica Hagy from whose blog I got the idea of the quiz. She blogs at thisisindexed.com Absolutely brilliant stuff!! :)]

THE IPL, AND HENCE THE POP QUIZ, ARE BOTH BACK!!

No sooner did SRK have his last tweet up than we announce the IPL pop quiz has made a triumphant return! Yes, folks sharpen your pencils and get ready for the first pop quiz of IPL 3. Because, as you know, the only thing I hate more than an artist calling herself Lady Gaga are people unprepared for a quiz. To the questions!!

1. What is the most appropriate reaction to this statement from Lalit Modi - “I see the IPL becoming bigger than the NFL, the NBA, the English Premier League.”?

A. Combined?

B. Ha Ha Ha Ha LOL :D

C. You may have to check the Gospels for authenticity, but not this.

D. What? The man’s a prophet. Deal with it!

2. The Telengana issue simmering in Andhra Pradesh is

A. A conspiracy from the Deccan Chargers to move their matches out of Hyderabad, where they have never won.

B. A conspiracy of the MNS and Shiv Sena to move more IPL matches to Maharastra resulting in more revenue for the Marathi manoos

C. A conspiracy of the IPL to try and eke out another IPL franchise from the (divided) state of Andhra Pradesh

D. Hey, the IPL is on! Do you mind not bothering me with trivial issues!

3. Lionel Richie was there at the IPL 3 opening ceremony. His song lyric ‘You’re my angel, my miracle, you’re all I need tonight’ would be an appropriate dedication to the Kolkata Knight Riders on their victory.

A. True

B. False

4. When VVS Laxman tried a slog shot and got out, Harsha Bhogle said it was like Lata Mangeshkar trying her hand at rock n’ roll. In 300 words explain which of these bands Lata Mangeshkar could front if given the chance

A. Queen. ‘Queen’ of melody.. Get it?

B. The All American Rejects. If they were American rejects, most likely to be accepted in India, no?

C. The Clash. Yeah, that’s exactly what you’d expect when Indian classical trained singer meets a bunch of hoodlums with guitars and drums

5. And again a wicket fell off the very first delivery of an IPL match. This is most likely a case of

A. The Law of Averages in operation, whatever that means!

B. A marketing conspiracy

C. Idiocy 101 stuff from the Kolkata Knight Rider’s school of bone headedness

D. What? A wicket fell off the first ball? Damn my internet connection, the YouTube video is still buffering.

6. Rohit Sharma’s strange lob like shot to get out was

A. A leaf taken out of the Cricket Idiocy 101 course from the Kolkata Knight Rider’s school of bone headedness

B. Vindication of how deserving he was of the award for the best under-23 player in the IPL

C. Indication that he had assumed the French Open had started early

D. Ummm…wait…I’m still trying to come up with a name for it

7. Finally an essay question (sort of): In 140 characters or less, explain if it is fair on SRK’s part to spam everyone’s Twitter timeline when KKR matches is on. (Oh, and on a completely unrelated note [trust me!], somebody also please tell me where one can find the ‘Unfollow’ button on Twitter)

Answer Key:

1. Knowing Mr. Modi, in all likelihood, A

2. Could be B, you never know these days!

3. A, VVS Laxman slogging.. Miracle or what!

5. B, I said it last year and I’ll say it again.

6. A, probably… Inspiration comes in mysterious ways

7. Any answer that tells me where the blasted ‘unfollow’ button is will do.

LIFE IN THE FAST GAME

UNLESS you are a really dispassionate Indian or an ignoramus when it comes to all matters sporting (or what could be far, far worse – both), you probably have been sneaking a peek at the Hockey World Cup being staged in New Delhi. You know, the tournament that started with what looked like a final (from the atmosphere and the hype) where India beat Pakistan 4-1. And assuming you don’t get to see a lot of hockey, surely what has floored you is the sheer pace at which the game is played. Furious, virtually non stop and always action packed – field hockey is by far the fastest team game I have ever seen. The phrase ‘end to end’ action gets a whole new meaning when the ball is traveling across the 100 yards of the pitch in a flash. Apparently, T20 is popular as a cricket format because it is fast. If you ask me, it has nothing on hockey when it comes to speed and the action.

I was watching the India vs. Spain game on Thursday night (alas India lost 2-5) and there was a period of play at the start of the second half where we saw 4 goals in 4 minutes (the score went from 2-0 for Spain to 4-2). Try to match that, soccer! Try to generate that much excitement in 4 minutes, Mr. Modi and all the cheerleaders money can buy! And F1? Sorry, you can only squeeze in a couple of laps there! The modern field hockey game is a non stop spectacle of great action and I’m surprised that in India it has so few takers. I’ve always loved watching hockey for its fluid and attacking flow and since they did away with the offside rule in 1998, it has become a thrill a minute roller coaster. Till the final hooter goes, a goal can be conjured up in less than 5 seconds. No other sport I know can offer that thrill. The rolling substitutions and two minute suspensions only add to the frantic adjustments required on the fly. When a penalty corner is taken, the defending team has a second to second and a half to make decisions (from the goalie’s position to who should cover the net). Last time I checked, that kind of a small decision making window was only available to fighter jet pilots.

I think I realize why India has been lagging at the game while teams like England, the Netherlands, Germany and Australia have powered ahead. It is all in the pace. India and Pakistan rely on building up attacks and/or trying to send in a hard cross into the ‘D’; the Europeans are happy to muscle their way through, fast. Watching hockey, with hardly any stop in play and a lot happening at once can be a real test for a spectator but it is really worth it. Razor sharp reflexes, dazzling skills, edge of the seat excitement – what’s hockey not got! Remember? Poor Amol Palekar gets in trouble in "Gol Maal" because he bunks work to watch a hockey ‘test’. Yes, folks! Those were the days! You have to be extremely attentive and cerebral to fully understand the tactical battle going on. Perhaps the smarts is what is missing, from our team as well as the spectators.

For a generation that has been told that ‘instant gratification’ isn’t a dirty word, we have ignored the delights a game like hockey can offer. It demands only about half the time of a T20 encounter and thrice the attention in return. Not a bad trade off, eh? I am not kidding, but watching hockey may actually sharpen your intellect a bit! India needs a glamorous hockey league, one that can catapult the national game back into the hearts of the masses. But most critically, us fans and the players need to get used to life in the fast game!