IPL Pop Quiz - The VISUAL Edition!

BEEN paying attention to the rise of moth, annoying ads and Yusuf Pathan attacks, and all things IPL lately? Good, because the IPL pop quiz is back with a first ever Visual edition and as you know, the only thing I hate more than Shane Warne's liberal use of superlatives about anything related to the IPL is under-preparedness for a quiz. Sharpen your minds and pencils, ladies and gentlemen... To the questions! [Special thanks to Jessica Hagy from whose blog I got the idea of the quiz. She blogs at thisisindexed.com Absolutely brilliant stuff!! :)]

THE IPL, AND HENCE THE POP QUIZ, ARE BOTH BACK!!

No sooner did SRK have his last tweet up than we announce the IPL pop quiz has made a triumphant return! Yes, folks sharpen your pencils and get ready for the first pop quiz of IPL 3. Because, as you know, the only thing I hate more than an artist calling herself Lady Gaga are people unprepared for a quiz. To the questions!!

1. What is the most appropriate reaction to this statement from Lalit Modi - “I see the IPL becoming bigger than the NFL, the NBA, the English Premier League.”?

A. Combined?

B. Ha Ha Ha Ha LOL :D

C. You may have to check the Gospels for authenticity, but not this.

D. What? The man’s a prophet. Deal with it!

2. The Telengana issue simmering in Andhra Pradesh is

A. A conspiracy from the Deccan Chargers to move their matches out of Hyderabad, where they have never won.

B. A conspiracy of the MNS and Shiv Sena to move more IPL matches to Maharastra resulting in more revenue for the Marathi manoos

C. A conspiracy of the IPL to try and eke out another IPL franchise from the (divided) state of Andhra Pradesh

D. Hey, the IPL is on! Do you mind not bothering me with trivial issues!

3. Lionel Richie was there at the IPL 3 opening ceremony. His song lyric ‘You’re my angel, my miracle, you’re all I need tonight’ would be an appropriate dedication to the Kolkata Knight Riders on their victory.

A. True

B. False

4. When VVS Laxman tried a slog shot and got out, Harsha Bhogle said it was like Lata Mangeshkar trying her hand at rock n’ roll. In 300 words explain which of these bands Lata Mangeshkar could front if given the chance

A. Queen. ‘Queen’ of melody.. Get it?

B. The All American Rejects. If they were American rejects, most likely to be accepted in India, no?

C. The Clash. Yeah, that’s exactly what you’d expect when Indian classical trained singer meets a bunch of hoodlums with guitars and drums

5. And again a wicket fell off the very first delivery of an IPL match. This is most likely a case of

A. The Law of Averages in operation, whatever that means!

B. A marketing conspiracy

C. Idiocy 101 stuff from the Kolkata Knight Rider’s school of bone headedness

D. What? A wicket fell off the first ball? Damn my internet connection, the YouTube video is still buffering.

6. Rohit Sharma’s strange lob like shot to get out was

A. A leaf taken out of the Cricket Idiocy 101 course from the Kolkata Knight Rider’s school of bone headedness

B. Vindication of how deserving he was of the award for the best under-23 player in the IPL

C. Indication that he had assumed the French Open had started early

D. Ummm…wait…I’m still trying to come up with a name for it

7. Finally an essay question (sort of): In 140 characters or less, explain if it is fair on SRK’s part to spam everyone’s Twitter timeline when KKR matches is on. (Oh, and on a completely unrelated note [trust me!], somebody also please tell me where one can find the ‘Unfollow’ button on Twitter)

Answer Key:

1. Knowing Mr. Modi, in all likelihood, A

2. Could be B, you never know these days!

3. A, VVS Laxman slogging.. Miracle or what!

5. B, I said it last year and I’ll say it again.

6. A, probably… Inspiration comes in mysterious ways

7. Any answer that tells me where the blasted ‘unfollow’ button is will do.

LIFE IN THE FAST GAME

UNLESS you are a really dispassionate Indian or an ignoramus when it comes to all matters sporting (or what could be far, far worse – both), you probably have been sneaking a peek at the Hockey World Cup being staged in New Delhi. You know, the tournament that started with what looked like a final (from the atmosphere and the hype) where India beat Pakistan 4-1. And assuming you don’t get to see a lot of hockey, surely what has floored you is the sheer pace at which the game is played. Furious, virtually non stop and always action packed – field hockey is by far the fastest team game I have ever seen. The phrase ‘end to end’ action gets a whole new meaning when the ball is traveling across the 100 yards of the pitch in a flash. Apparently, T20 is popular as a cricket format because it is fast. If you ask me, it has nothing on hockey when it comes to speed and the action.

I was watching the India vs. Spain game on Thursday night (alas India lost 2-5) and there was a period of play at the start of the second half where we saw 4 goals in 4 minutes (the score went from 2-0 for Spain to 4-2). Try to match that, soccer! Try to generate that much excitement in 4 minutes, Mr. Modi and all the cheerleaders money can buy! And F1? Sorry, you can only squeeze in a couple of laps there! The modern field hockey game is a non stop spectacle of great action and I’m surprised that in India it has so few takers. I’ve always loved watching hockey for its fluid and attacking flow and since they did away with the offside rule in 1998, it has become a thrill a minute roller coaster. Till the final hooter goes, a goal can be conjured up in less than 5 seconds. No other sport I know can offer that thrill. The rolling substitutions and two minute suspensions only add to the frantic adjustments required on the fly. When a penalty corner is taken, the defending team has a second to second and a half to make decisions (from the goalie’s position to who should cover the net). Last time I checked, that kind of a small decision making window was only available to fighter jet pilots.

I think I realize why India has been lagging at the game while teams like England, the Netherlands, Germany and Australia have powered ahead. It is all in the pace. India and Pakistan rely on building up attacks and/or trying to send in a hard cross into the ‘D’; the Europeans are happy to muscle their way through, fast. Watching hockey, with hardly any stop in play and a lot happening at once can be a real test for a spectator but it is really worth it. Razor sharp reflexes, dazzling skills, edge of the seat excitement – what’s hockey not got! Remember? Poor Amol Palekar gets in trouble in "Gol Maal" because he bunks work to watch a hockey ‘test’. Yes, folks! Those were the days! You have to be extremely attentive and cerebral to fully understand the tactical battle going on. Perhaps the smarts is what is missing, from our team as well as the spectators.

For a generation that has been told that ‘instant gratification’ isn’t a dirty word, we have ignored the delights a game like hockey can offer. It demands only about half the time of a T20 encounter and thrice the attention in return. Not a bad trade off, eh? I am not kidding, but watching hockey may actually sharpen your intellect a bit! India needs a glamorous hockey league, one that can catapult the national game back into the hearts of the masses. But most critically, us fans and the players need to get used to life in the fast game!

CRICKET 2020

So, you thought the 2000s were crazy for the game of cricket? Think Again. Cricket’s real crazy decade lies ahead.

I CAN see you smirking at the obvious pun, dear cricket fan, but then the truth is sometimes like that – all you can do is smirk about it. In the last decade cricket endured the match fixing crisis, one that plunged the game into an existential crisis only to realize that a greater existential crisis was to follow in the form of a rogue format that stole a start on the established ones. Technology, globalization and financial success have formed a troika that has amplified the game’s commercial value much like what had happened in the asset markets across the world. Yes, ladies and gentlemen we are in the middle of a cricket bubble, one that threatens to alter some fundamentals when it bursts. I still wager that come the next decade we will still be playing the game with a bat and a ball, but whether or not that will be central to the outcome or the action, I cannot be sure.

Test matches, despite producing fascinating contests like New Zealand vs. Pakistan or Australia vs. Pakistan at Sydney, and glimmers of hope provided by India’s decision to scrap one dayers and play tests against the visiting South Africans, have been relegated to the new labs of cricket experimentation – what with the referrals, proposals of day night tests, and a pink ball to boot. The real experimental Frankenstein, the T20 format, ironically has become the flagship, and would probably be the dominant format next decade. The demographic watching cricket will be younger and multicultural, and they won’t average more than half an hour of viewing per match, giving them as much time to understand the nuances as a pilot who’s asked to make sense of the plane’s dashboard as the aircraft hurtles towards the ground at 500mph. Skills will be reduced to a battle of superlatives and you can forget about supple wrists and nifty footwork. If the latter is what you prefer, I think they’ll ask you to go see a dance reality show than show up for a match. Let’s face it – cricket was a match invented with nuances and it’s not quite the same without them.

The mutilation that cricket is bracing for over the next decade would be akin to reducing a chess game to 12 pieces each and 36 squares. But wait, there’s hope. Like the great flood did in biblical times, a purging of the mindless commerce can still happen. What will it take? Only the mother of all economic collapses and the grand daddy of depressions to suck the commercial soul out of the game and force it to return to its roots. Will that happen over the next decade? Well, don’t count against it. Meanwhile you’d be advised to check the status of your retirement fund, and be prepared to make an withdrawal if necessary.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

Yeah, we know 2009 sort of went by in a blur and it never hurts to recap the year in which a lot of weird stuff went on especially if it involved superstar golfers, SUVs and supermodels. ‘Get Sporty’ takes a random walk…
1. At the US Open, a group of children have their most fruitful school field trip ever as they witness Serena Williams enrich their vocabulary during the semifinal against Kim Clijsters.
2. Somewhere in the US, sportscasters finally can shout ‘The Yankees Win! Th-e-e-e Y-a-a-a-n-n-k-k-e-e-e-e-s win!’
3. The Umpiring Decision Review System (UDRS for short) is launched by the ICC allowing all three umpires to be part of virtually every decision on field. The result is a proliferation of the very kind of errors the system was supposed to eliminate. In totally unrelated news, ‘3 Idiots’ releases.
4. Some Indian girl wins something important in badminton or some such sport.
5. Liverpool, the club I support, end the year much the same way they began it – by flattering to deceive.
6. Tiger Woods sends everyone scrambling for their nearest thesaurus with his imaginative use of the word ‘transgressions’.
7. A phenomenon completes 20 years at the world level. A giver of joy to millions and someone who redefined the rules of the game, the phenom proves amazingly durable and yet flexible. Yes, the internet turned 20 in 2009. Oh yes, Sachin Tendulkar too completed 20 years of international cricket.
8. Brett Favre, the NFL quarterback, who retired and then ‘unretired’ to join the Minnesota Vikings discovers the aphorism – ‘indecision is the key to flexibility’. His status update of the same on Facebook is liked by Lance Armstrong and Michael Schumacher.
9. A cricket match is cancelled in Delhi due to an ‘unfit’ pitch. Turns out, the groundsmen at Delhi thought the supposed to be used for the Commonwealth Games, which are like light years away yet, right?
10. Thierry Henry, paranoid about touching anything with his hand, refuses to hold the hand of an old lady to help her cross a street in Paris. In related news, Ireland demand an automatic qualification spot for the Handball world cup.
11. Record number of athletes get on to tweeting (e.g. Lance Armstrong or Aussie batsman Philip Hughes who broke the news of his being dropped via Twitter) and fans rush to ‘follow’ them and are deluged with ‘tweet nothings’. Bon Jovi, meanwhile, valiantly tries to remind everyone that ‘We weren’t born to follow’.
12. The cricket themed film ‘Victory’ releases featuring a bunch of international cricketers. Hurman Baweja gives out valuable tips on the fine art of sledging. Ricky Ponting reportedly gives it two fingers up – not sure if they were thumbs, though!
13. The IPL’s second edition is won by the Deccan Chargers led by a 37 year old Adam Gilchrist beating the Bangalore Royal Challengers led by 38 year old Anil Kumble. Fans mull over calling it the Indian Pensioners League.
14. The H1N1 virus spreads across the world leading to empty football stadiums in Mexico, NBA teams falling sick and even affects cricketers. Meanwhile, Sreesanth dares Bhajji to slap him as he sneezes on his face.
15. Usain Bolt shatters his own 100m world record and is now busy finding out how early in a 100m race he can start celebrating. His target for the next Olympics is to strike his winning ‘lightning bolt’ pose as soon as the starting gun is fired.
16. And finally, according to the Chinese calendar, 2010 is supposed to be the year of the Tiger. Seriously, you have to hand it to the Chinese for their ironic and wicked sense of humor.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)